You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
