We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
