What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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