Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
