i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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