my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
