Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
