all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
