remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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