Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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