i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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