I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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