It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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