Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
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OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
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you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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