remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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