it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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