Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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