You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
