I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
