Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
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