I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
