i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
