i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
