This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
