So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
