Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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