You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
