My first STD was from a foam party
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
