he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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