He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
