hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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