He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
