never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
