So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
