I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
