butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
