4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize