woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
wow bdsm is so cute
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
