So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
