He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
