talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
