we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
