All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
