Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
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My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
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i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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