Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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