My Higher Power is John Stamos
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
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Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
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A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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