With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
