so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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