She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
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He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
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He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
This is my gift to your gina
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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