You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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