Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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