Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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