Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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