wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
