that's an acceptable place to lick
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
