YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
