It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
