oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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