I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He better not be in your backpack
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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