btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just want to make out with him forever
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
