if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
