I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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