does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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