Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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