Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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