So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
