Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
