She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
