You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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