He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
