Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm sobbing to NWA
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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