At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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