This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
