I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
