he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
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Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
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I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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