We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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