Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
