How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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