i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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