Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
